and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
