and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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