Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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