Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
