I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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