Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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