His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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