Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
