So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
