Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
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You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
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My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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