i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Randomize
