Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
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I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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