$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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