I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
