how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
