some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
