I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want to make a zoo with you.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
