Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
