hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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