i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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