Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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