Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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