I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
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I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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