You can't special order awesome
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
