so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
