just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
