the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
