there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
