College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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