Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
