If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
