i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
