haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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