I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
