i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
