5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
