Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
