Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
