I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
