Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
