i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize