it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
