i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
