You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
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The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
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she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
the liver wants what the liver wants
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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