How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
