I'm gonna have a badass scar
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
