Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
