"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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