That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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