I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
