its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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