Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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