Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
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She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
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What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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