Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
