I think my fart just growled at me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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