Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
