whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
