If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
