like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
