woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
