He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
