jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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