KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
