He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
