Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
