I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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