What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i've created a new STD.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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