So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
