she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
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Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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