'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
