Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
