My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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