Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
