dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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